In this four-part blog series, I will be sharing my calling to work with sacred plant medicines, the intricate details of the ceremonies I sat in, and how life has been after working with Mother Ayahuasca. If you are new to this subject matter and want to learn more about Ayahuasca—this is not the blog for you. Instead, I would recommend researching the topic with an open mind and an open heart before diving in here.
If you missed them, you can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.
ENERGY WORK WITH SELINA
Before Ceremony 2, I did some beautiful energy work with the gifted Selina. Below are the main takeaways I receive from this work:
Crown Chakra: I must open my crown and connect with Spirit and my Higher Self.
Throat Chakra: Very closed off. I must sing and speak more. Speak my truth and connect to my power. (For this chakra, Selina would like for me to sing during ceremony tonight with Carmen.)
Solar Cortex: My power center. This chakra is closed off and it's important that I work more to know myself and own who I am. I need to take more risks and challenge myself.
Womb: I must heal the trauma that has been pushed down here. I must heal and make space. I will ask Mother Ayahuasca how to heal my womb and ask if she is able to help me.
For the second ceremony I pulled my hair back to a side braid and wore a headband. I went into ceremony declaring that I felt like a warrior. I also kept repeating my affirmation: "I am safe standing strong in the light."
Going into the second ceremony, my only intention was for Mother Ayahuasca to show me what I needed. I understood that I tried to get too involved in the first ceremony and that this time I simply needed to listen and surrender. I drank my cup and sat back with an open mind and an open heart.
As I entered the altered state, I saw my guides slowly enter my peripheral vision. One by one they all started to show up. Instead of asking them questions or asking for help, I simply held my womb and started rubbing it.
More and more guides entered the space (I never realized I had so many guides supporting me!) and they started to move in closer all around me. Some of them looked alike while other were slightly different. They were all mostly human-like in form, but not actually people. One man across from me had an animal with him.
As I continued to rub my womb, the guides continued to move closer and closer until they surrounded me on all sides and filled my vision. They started pointing at my womb and having discussions with each other. I felt safe and realized that these guides have always been with me.
I felt so much love, support, and empathy from them. I understood that these guides were souls that had previously had many human experiences. That they understood what I was going through and that they were there to support me. I also understood that at some point, when my human work is complete—in this lifetime or another—that I will join them. That I too will be a guide helping humans complete their Earth work.
Suddenly, the guides knew what I needed and they started to perform surgery on me. I felt beams of thin white light shooting through my body and my head. I kept rubbing my womb through this process.
Once they were done, I moved my hands up to the blockage I've felt below my heart in my Solar Cortex. The trauma I've been carrying was suddenly present in the form of a tightly sealed black box. It was the first time I've actually seen or felt the trauma. I didn't know what was inside the box but I understood that its contents didn't matter.
I told the guides that this didn't serve me anymore and that I didn't need to carry it, so I reached into my abdomen and pulled it out. I asked what I should do with it and I was told to "toss it out!" I held the black box in my hands and just tossed it into the air. It disappeared.
Once the box was gone I could feel the open space inside where it once was and I took many deep breaths to fill the space and reclaim it as mine.
I kept feeling like a warrior, repeating my affirmation: "I am safe standing strong in the light." Then I saw a vision of my left arm holding a torch lit with the warmest most loving light, and Mother Ayahuasca showed me that my true gift and purpose on Earth is to heal those who need it. That my gift to heal is so strong that I can also heal myself and that no trauma I've ever experienced is bigger than the light I carry.
I sang a lot in this ceremony and realized that my voice in a light too. That it has healing power for both myself and others. Vanessa was sitting beside me and we often sang together. When we would harmonize, I felt the vibration buzzing through my head and throughout my entire body. There were a lot of dark and challenging lessons taking place in the temple that night, and I continued to stand tall and be a light for myself and others.
The bulk of the second ceremony was like this. Very healing and connecting me to who I've always been. I was not told how to heal others, but that the best way to start was to listen and be present with others—and that so much healing could be done through my eyes. That my eyes are an ocean of healing power and that I've known this since childhood.
I had so much more energy for this ceremony than I did the first, but then there was a shift at the end of the evening. Carmen, our Shaman, came to me and told me that she had a vision of how I had died in a past life. She told me that I had been hung and that's why my Throat Chakra was so tightly blocked off. That in order to heal this past life trauma that I need to always sing loud and strong.
After she told me this, I found myself in a very vivid vision. I was standing in the gallows with a noose around my neck about to be hung. I was in sheer terror and panic. I looked out at my village—everyone was there to witness my hanging. I was scanning the crowd looking for just one peaceful face, but I saw none. Everyone was sneering at me with the most viscous faces waiting to see me die. Then suddenly all of their human faces morphed into monster faces. Hateful, vengeful monsters. I so desperately wanted to escape, but I realized my only escape was death. Then I dropped.
I found myself back on my mat in the temple. The energy of this past self was standing with me just as scared as she/I was standing in the gallows. I held her and let her know that she is safe and free from the trauma. That she is a healing light. A warrior. I let her know how sorry I was for what happened to her, but that this was not going to happen again—not in this life. I continued to hold her and love her until the ceremony ended.
When it was time to get up I felt very intoxicated and woozy. I could hardly stand. I went into the bathroom and purged. I felt so weak and sick that I went straight to bed.
I woke up the next morning feeling pretty great. A lot had been healed in ceremony and it continued while I slept. I felt so good knowing my purpose in life and to have released myself and past life of so much pain and trauma.
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In an attempt to not make these blog posts run too long, I will be sharing the lessons of The Mountain, Ceremony 3, and the San Pedro Ceremony in "Adventures with Mother Ayahuasca Part 4" in the coming days.
Again, if you'd like to chat or have any questions about what I've shared so far, Instagram is the easiest and quickest way to communicate. If you'd like to stay anonymous, DM me!
Disclaimer: The views expressed on this site are my opinions. I'm not a doctor or your mama. I am not endorsing or condoning the use of any plant medicines by sharing my story. I spent years learning about and studying various plant medicines, months researching an Ayahuasca retreat center, and did only what I thought was best for myself. Do you need to partake in these types of ceremonies to heal past traumas and grow spiritually? Of course not. If anyone says you do they've been misled and are misleading you. I chose to do this work because I felt the calling. If you feel the calling as well, please be responsible and do your homework. My experience was just that—my experience and is not a guarantee that you will experience anything like it.