I Apologize—We Deserve Better

To those of you who have followed me for a long time—I especially want you to hear this.⁠

I've long been aware of diet culture and am now seeing (acknowledging, accepting) my role in perpetuating it. Specifically within the paleo community.⁠

I battled disordered eating and body dysmorphia for DECADES. When I discovered the paleo lifestyle I thought it was different—and in some ways it was—but I wasn't.

Even with paleo, I was still showing up equating my worthiness to my body's shape and size, but SAYING it was a lifestyle change.⁠

I wanted it to be true. I thought it was. I thought to say it made it so.⁠

I was doing the best I knew how.⁠

Today, the same old feelings can still be found hiding in my shadows masquerading as something else.⁠

Since I was a teen I would look at someone who had the body type I longed to have and I would feel a false sense of excitement about how I could limit my food intake and start a new workout program to look like them.⁠

This "false excitement" fueled me for decades, but I see it now for what it is: Unworthiness in sheep's clothing.⁠

A coping mechanism I put in place to feel better about my perceived not-enoughness.⁠

Motivation that I'd be happy, loved, seen, heard, respected, desired, valuable, worthy...in the future.⁠

This feeling came forward for me yesterday while scrolling Instagram, but I caught it. I observed it.⁠

As this week starts the beginning of a year-long coaching program I've enrolled in, I know these feelings are coming up so that I can heal and release them in myself and ultimately my community.⁠

It is my intention to be freed from any remaining misinterpretations that the shape and size of my body have anything to do with my worthiness.⁠

And to sincerely apologize to YOU if my past diet/food-focused content ever triggered you, made you feel less than, or harmed you in any way.⁠

We deserve better.